Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize