People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I cannot find my penis.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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