Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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