Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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