that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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