Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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