Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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