im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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