I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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