nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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