the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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