I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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