and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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