heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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