When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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