my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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