omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm passing your future prison.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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