it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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