just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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