I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize