Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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