and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize