I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
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i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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I am one with the molecules
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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