I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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