Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize