Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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