so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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