I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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