I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
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yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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