My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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