I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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