Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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