the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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