My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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