Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
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I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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