He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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