The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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