He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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