I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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