got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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