Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize