I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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