tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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