I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
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HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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