seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize