just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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