I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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