PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize