Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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