i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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